Today I would like to begin to address loving relationships with each other. Of course, this is a very complex subject so it may take much more than one talk to cover everything. But let’s begin. Let’s focus first on dating relationships. Now of course, many of you are way past that phase. (Laugh). If so, this may be a good opportunity to review what you have learned from past experiences.
Many of you who are still (or again) single may have developed clear ideas of the qualities that you want in a partner. It would be very good if you again look at your list of qualities. If you haven’t written them down, now might be a very good time to do so. For writing down ideas floating in your mind onto paper not only makes them more clear to you, but it also gives you an opportunity to examine them in a more detached way.
What are the qualities that are most important to you?
The reason I am asking this is to help you integrate your goals as a spiritual being with your goals in finding a loving human relationship. Many, many people have a separation in their consciousness between their spirituality and being in a romantic relationship. Somehow, there is an invisible wall that may come down when people meet someone that they are very attracted to. Especially earlier on the spiritual path, if a strong attraction is there, you may forget all about who you are as a spiritual being–at least at first.
One of the reasons for this is a portion of the ego called passion. Although you may experience passion as magical and a sure sign that you have met your perfect mate, intense passion occurs especially in the earliest phases of a relationship and is based on a chemical reaction within your physical form. Unfortunately, it does not constitute the solid foundation of a future bonding.
During the initial phase of connecting with a potential partner, there is a great deal of romantic projection that can also occur from either or both people involved. Added to this is the chemical reaction that draws them together. These two components: projection and passion can easily block experiencing your higher guidance in the moment and keep you from remaining centered.
Most of you understand the chemistry of passion. So let’s look further at projection. When you have a longing to meet someone and develop a heart connection, you have also probably developed some idea of what that connection would feel like. You may not have a sense of its characteristics, but you have an expectation about how it will feel. For most of you, this sensation would seem like a profound, powerful, perhaps even overwhelming sense of connection and love.
Since the experience of sexual union when two people are open, can often open you briefly to the experience of your own inner Love, it is easy to feel in those moments like, “This is it. This is the one.” You then attribute feeling that inner love instead to the other person, feeling that they caused this experience.
Let’s go even deeper. We have said many times that the highest spiritual goal for each human being is their own inner growth. This inner growth is a progression towards eventual union with Source/ the Divine. It is this longing for union which is at the core of many of the difficulties people have in finding a loving and supportive partner.
Especially for a woman, once she engages in sexual activity with a man that she likes, the act of sexual union mimics in a very, very small measure, the experience of sublime union with Source. This is enough to activate a much deeper longing for union. This longing for union whose essence is spiritual, can then sometimes be projected onto her new partner instead.
After this, it becomes easy for a while, to see how perfect and beautiful the partner is. Eventually, however, that projection diminishes. You each begin to see the others flaws and human nature. If a real friendship that involves common interests, goals, and similar spiritual development is not there, then the relationship is often doomed to fail.
Learn to select a partner like you would buy a new car or a home. It is a very important selection in your life. You don’t rush into living in the first home you meet on the very first day. There is a process. Practice remaining centered when meeting others and dating. Have fun. Get to know each other. But keep some space between each other for a little bit while you’re learning about each other’s qualities.
Don’t let your longing for divine union obscure your real relationship with a partner. Know that you are important. Guard the beautiful, evolving spiritual energy that is growing within you. If you can’t find someone that matches your own spiritual energy level, and that resonates with your life, then wait. It is much better to spend time alone learning more deeply about your own inner being, then to leap into another less compatible relationship that may be quickly doomed to failure.
The more each of you honor the Divine within your own being, the more selective you will become about who may share your most intimate spaces. Protect the purity of your inner being. And invite someone to join you in the most intimate of acts only when you know them fairly well and are sure that you each complement the others energy. The Divine one lives within each of you. Remember that and honor your physical form as a precious container for that divinity.